9 Types of Women Guys Encounter

So I read this blog post at http://www.twirlit.com/2009/09/14/7-types-of-men-single-women-encounter that was essentially a synopsis of men and the types of men that women come across.   It’s a Cliff Notes version of Bushnell’s Sex and The Single Girl book that was released back in 1962.  So, I decided to do the reverse and talk about the women that guys encounter.

business_womanThe Professionals

These women are totally focused on their profession and they are so wrapped up in their job that they carry Blackberries everywhere and are attached 24/7 to their work.  It’s not that they don’t want a relationship or something deeper, but they’ve gotten so into the habit of work, that they simply cant break free of the almost ritualistic tasks of the day which always involved work. Whether it’s email, conference calls, reports, or spreadsheets, you will always be number two.  And even she doesn’t want you to be number two, but she can’t help it because she’s stuck.  In some cases it’s not even her.  Her work has begun to have certain performance expectations so she can’t stop in fear of losing her job or being replaced.  So she has to settle on the relationship of the moment until she can find a guy who is equally engulfed in his work and understands her plight.  And sometimes they never come….

grindingSkanks

These are the ladies that you see in the clubs in short skirts dancing to the latest sexually charged song with their hands on the floor and butts in the air showing everyone what God gave them.  While some ladies write this off as “just having a good time”, we’ll call your bluff here.  A good time is dancing.  Dancing with your panties in plain view for all to see,  letting a complete stranger come up behind you and grind your privates with only a thin layer of fabric separating it from qualifying as intercourse is another level entirely.  While guys like to go out and find girls like this, we have no desire to be in a relationship with you because you’ve already displayed to us what “having a good time” means to you and that’s simply booty call material, not marriage or relationship material.

psychotic-girlCrazies

These are the women that have been repeatedly hurt and stomped on by men and are paranoid about every relationship.  They get into a relationship and every night he doesn’t call or says something a tad off the beaten path is received as threatening to her sanity. Everything must be in perfect line to not upset her delicate balance. If another woman calls you on the phone, even if it’s a coworker wondering where your report is, she loses it, and goes into the grand questioning.  Her entire stability rests on the guy being totally normal, which we aren’t.

girlfriendsChicks Before Di***

These girls love to hang out with their friends far more than they do with you.  All women have a group of friends, but in these cases they take priority over you months and even years into the relationship.  If you want some alone time and the girls want to go to the movies, you lose.  But yet she can’t figure out why there’s not a guy that will just go to the house, make her dinner and hang out waiting for her while she’s out getting her drink on with the girls. Guys do the same thing in reverse? Absolutely.  And that’s why neither one of them can find themselves in a good relationship.

loveHello, I Love You

This girl is ready to jump and ready to jump quick.  Date for a month and she’s already looking at engagement rings or even worse figuring out how she can move in.  And before you know it, they drop the L word.  There’s nothing wrong with the L word, it’s just that these women have to realize that guys can’t jump into the wagon that fast.   It’s a dangerous word because whoever says it first could be perceived as needy or speedy and both aren’t good.  But when a woman jumps too fast, it’s a sign of desperation and it’s not pretty.  Guys run to the nearest exit.

chameleonThe Chameleon Charmer

This woman has an exact view of what a man should be, how he should act, what he should say, how he should present himself, and what he should wear.  Essentially a virtual checklist.  Yet this woman can’t figure out why a man won’t commit to her.  Probably because he can’t be who he is.  Women have to stop “training” their man to conform to their vision.  We’re not animals, we’re human (sometimes).  Secondly, guys have a problem with being wrong all of the time.  We have egos.  When they get slapped on the wrist because of how they rinse off a plate, you’re pretty much pushing them away.  When even the smallest things are called into correction, it gets to be too much.

cougarThe Cougars

They may be married, they may be divorced, or even widowed.  It doesn’t matter.  They have one thing in mind and that’s to get their groove on and scratch the itch.  Typically women from 45 and up can qualify as Cougars.  They most likely have kids that are either in high school or college and they have more free time on their hands then they’d like to admit.  Either way, the empty nest syndrome is translated as the need for companionship.  They’re women that have an insatiable appetite for sex from a source that will just do it and go away…until they call again.  A perfect situation for a married man that’s looking the same thing.

unicornThe Perfect Woman

File under unicorns and fairies.  When you do find her, IF you find her, you have to be the perfect man.  You have to be good looking, live right, never married, never had kids, straight teeth, and be willing to wait on her hand and foot.  But considering that both the perfect woman and the perfect man are mythological creatures, these beings end up in the American Standard category.

American Standard

stepfordThese are the girls who graduated from high school, went to college but never finished, and have always had a perception of the princess stories and how that would translate in real life.  Their vision is that they would meet the perfect guy, fall in love, get married, have babies, become a housewife, have an affair with the pool man,  find the hotel receipts from her husbands affairs, pretend like everything is okay, grow old, retire, and watch the grandchildren start rolling in.  This the sad American reality.

The Settle For Lessers

These women have been in a long relationship and most of the time are divorced with kids.  Their options are slim because guys are jerks and some prefer not to have ready made families.  It’s a tough spot to be in because the ex got to walk away and pretend that he’s single and she got stuck raising the kids and doesn’t get a lot of time to live her life.  So she settles for someone less than what she really wants.  Maybe it’s a guy that’s got a heart of gold, but is butt ugly.  Or maybe he’s good looking, but has some major flaws.  So she settles.  And she plays off being happy very well, but you can see the scream for help in her eyes.

Now while it may seem that I’m being relentless in my categorizations, but the categories of men displayed in the aforementioned post are no better.  Women have made men bashing an art form, but guys are supposed to sit back and simply take it.  We may be a tough nut to crack, but the single ladies are slim pickings as well, so stop waving your hate flag.

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3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Laura
    Sep 15, 2009 @ 02:26:40

    You forgot the MARRIEDs, which you men love to hit on because we’re taken and think we’re “safe,” or because you love to steal things from your fellow men. 😛

    Reply

    • weddingpros
      Sep 15, 2009 @ 14:04:27

      Ah yes, the marrieds. They kind of get lumped in with the American Standards as part of the affair part of that group. Whereas the previous post on the 7 types of men, I didn’t want to create a married group because I just think they should be off limits. Don’t even want to entertain that idea.

      Reply

  2. hannahcamille
    Oct 08, 2009 @ 03:09:06

    I look forward to reading more of your blog. I like your sense of humor.

    Reply

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